Tag Archives: gratitude

15 Simple Ways to Show Someone You Care

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By establishing and maintaining a thriving support network, you can improve your own well-being. No matter the type of relationship, investing in your connections can strengthen your communication skills and help build personal resilience. Although building trust and rapport with others take time, the healthy relationships you prioritize in your life can help you navigate challenging situations and find new opportunities for growth. Whether it’s a shipmate, a coworker, a friend, a family member or someone else important to you, it is important to show others that you care about them. Cultivating strong social bonds often directly influences our own happiness.

Consider these easy ways to show someone close to you that you care this year:

Ask them how they are doing. This may seem like a no brainer, but some of your fellow Sailors may need a bit of a nudge to share something that’s on their mind. Stay in touch with family, friends and neighbors in person, online or by phone to see how they are doing. Use active listening: focus on what someone else is saying before responding with your insight and perspective.

Write them a handwritten letter. Writing a heartfelt note to a friend can brighten their day and show your appreciation for their presence in your life. Whether it’s for their birthday, or to provide support to them during a difficult time, or to thank a shipmate for going above and beyond, taking the time to put pen to paper highlights your ability to support them. Be authentic, open and emotive in your messages.

Give them a shout out on social media. For a more public way to highlight your camaraderie, give your friend or family member a quick shout out on social media. Post a picture of you with them and express the qualities that make them special to you.

Make them their favorite drink. Surprise a shipmate by giving them a tea, coffee, juice or blended smoothie to help boost their mood. Carving out a mindful moment may be just what someone needs to get through a stressful time.

Create a curated playlist. Show someone you care through creative means by making them a tailored music or podcast playlist. Consider working collaboratively with your shipmates or unit to make a list of songs, artists or podcast episodes to enjoy together.

Lend them your favorite book. If you have a book that’s impacted you positively, consider loaning it out to someone. For an extra dose of thoughtfulness, annotate parts of the book that remind you of the person or your favorite passages for easy skimming.

Send them a motivational quote. Although it may sound cheesy, passing on words of wisdom may help a shipmate have a refreshed perspective on a situation. Everyone interprets information and experiences differently, but encouraging and positive quotes may help establish connectedness.

Initiate plans on a consistent basis. Invite them to join you in a healthy activity – go to the gym with a fellow Sailor, attend a cultural event with your family or bring a friend to a cooking class for a new way to get creative. This will show them that you are committed to investing in your relationship and excited about spending quality time together.

Help free up their schedule. If a shipmate needs help caring for a baby, dog or cat, offer to take a shift so they have time to complete other activities. Even if they have not asked for help, expressing that you are available and willing to provide support will go a long way.

Introduce them to someone new. If you think one person close to you would benefit from getting to know someone else in your support network, make an introduction to bring them together. You may help foster new friendships or mentoring opportunities.

Give them a compliment. Expressing kind words is an instant way to open the door to increased positivity and connection. For ideas on how to give professional compliments to your fellow Sailors, check out this blog post.

Celebrate their successes. When your shipmate or someone else close to you succeeds, take a moment to recognize them – send them flowers, share their good news with others or treat them to something special. They will appreciate your support and feel even more confident about their recent win.

Offer to teach them something. Informally mentoring someone may help them discover new passion or hobby. If you’re an expert at using gym equipment for a full body workout or a photography pro, volunteer to show them the ropes.

Use direct language. Consider opportunities to say things like, “I’m thinking of you” or “This [event, idea, statement] made me think of you.” Showing people that you are actively taking the role they play in your life seriously is an easy way to be considerate.

Respect their need for space. If someone close to you is going through a particularly busy time or another trying life event, maintain healthy boundaries to ensure they can improve their well-being.

For additional holistic health and wellness tips for Sailors and families, visit us on Facebook and Twitter.

The Gratitude Board: 1 Small ACT for Cultivating Active Gratitude

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It can be easy to get caught up in the day-to-day to-do lists, calendars and routines, or to be lasered in on achieving goals, setting new ones and looking forward to the future. While these are all important aspects of maintaining psychological health, it’s also beneficial to push pause and be present in the moment. Taking time to appreciate the people in your life, the things you have and what you have accomplished – practicing gratitude – is an important step in maintaining psychological, emotional and physical wellbeing.

What Is Gratitude and Why Is It Important?

According to Harvard Health, gratitude is “a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible.” When people actively practice gratitude, they are deliberately and consciously acknowledging the goodness in their lives, recognizing the source of that goodness and connecting positively to something outside themselves as individuals. Gratitude has a wide array of benefits, including greater optimism and happiness, increased positive emotions and alertness, improved physical and behavioral health, increased resilience and healthier relationships. Gratitude also serves as a protective factor against toxic, negative emotions such as envy, resentment and regret. It’s important to note that practicing gratitude does not mean that our lives are perfect or that we don’t face challenges, adversity and barriers.  Rather, it means that when people take stock and assess their lives holistically, they can embrace goodness more intentionally and enjoy the far-reaching impacts of an optimistic outlook.

So how can we cultivate more gratitude? One simple way is to create a gratitude board.

Make Your Own Appreciation Station

A gratitude board is a great way to reinforce positive emotions because it is a visible, physical reminder that can be seen whenever you come and go from your spaces. To get started, grab some kind of board – like a marker, cork or chalk board – sticky notes, scrap paper or notecards; some writing instruments; and something to hold your items to the board. Take some time to reflect on the things, people, experiences and/or events you are grateful for, and write them down. Be as creative as you want, and feel free to invite friends, family members, shipmates or anyone you share common space with to join in. If it’s a group board, see what others are grateful for; their posts might spark more ideas about gratitude and serve as personal inspiration.

One Week Check-In

After a week of constructing your gratitude board, check in to see how you (and your group if you are using that approach) have accumulated positive reflections, ideas, relationships, accomplishments and generosity. Use your one-week inputs as inspiration for maintaining and operating your board throughout the coming months and year.

Gratitude as Self-Care

Investing in our psychological, emotional and physical wellbeing doesn’t have to be time-consuming or costly, and we don’t have to wait until Thanksgiving or the holidays to express what we’re thankful for. Devoting a moment each day to reflect on what we’re grateful for is 1 Small ACT of self-care we can do to take care of our body and mind so that we can be there for others and make positive contributions to our personal and professional relationships. Remember, Every Sailor, Every Day starts with you.

For additional self-care tips for Sailors and families, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter.

Don’t Let Arguments Spoil Your Holiday Meal

Fingers art of of people during quarrel in New Year.

Biting into bad casserole isn’t the only sign of a spoiled holiday meal. Raised voices, passive-aggression and button-pushing top the list of signs that your family gathering is souring quickly as well. Luckily this year you’ll have a few extra tricks up your sleeve if the know-it-all offers unsolicited parenting advice or the overachiever in the room constantly finds ways to remind everyone that he or she is expecting to make this year’s 100 Most Influential People list…

Check in with yourself first. Emotions tend to run higher during the holidays, especially when we’re feeling more stressed than usual. If upon arriving to a friend or family member’s house you see the person who tends to cause friction no matter the setting, employ Predictability and Controllability by reminding yourself that you can’t control others’ behavior but you can control your reactions. Our friends at the Human Performance Resource Center recommend watching for an edgy tone in your own voice and noting whether you’ve stopped using eye-contact as signs that you’re stress level is rising. Also check in with your breathing patterns, noting whether your breath is getting shallow, or if you’re feeling agitated. Before getting to the point that you’re only focusing on a “come-back” and no longer hearing what that person (or anyone else) is actually saying, remove yourself from the situation by going for a walk, engaging with other people or taking a few deep breaths. In the end, you’ll feel better knowing that you didn’t let the person get the best of you despite their best attempts.

Set some rules for engagement. Maybe you’re thinking about avoiding your traditional gathering altogether this year because you know Cousin Larry will bring up that one subject that really grinds your gears. Or perhaps you’re not looking forward to Aunt Sally prying into your relationship or financial status. Rather than no-showing and breaking tradition (see our last post for a quick breakdown of why tradition is important for connection, meaning and emotional well-being), be honest with yourself up front about what issues will lead to highly-charged conversations. Then come up with a few strategies to defuse these discussions before they head into murky-water. For the personal questions, kindly let the inquirer know that you appreciate him or her looking out for you, but that you’re handling it the best that you can and aren’t seeking any advice at the moment. For the broader issues, keep it simple. Short statements like “I’d rather not discuss [topic] today” can often be the hint others need to change the subject and keep the peace. If highly-charged conversations are a regular occurrence, ask if those topics can be saved until after mealtime so that everyone can enjoy their meal and so that those who don’t want to participate can retreat to a quieter space before the storm erupts.

Be the conversation starter rather than the conversation stopper. This proactive approach can help you lead things in the right direction, especially toward the beginning of your get-together when small talk is big. Share some fun highlights of your recent deployment or assignment, spend a moment reflecting and asking others to share what they’re grateful for, or pick a topic that’s fun to debate (like sports, for example). By spending time engaging in positive and light-hearted conversation, you can strengthen your connection with others and your connection to the true meaning of the season.

Spending time with friends and family during the holidays and throughout the year is important for emotional health, helping to protect against the negative effects of stress. However, when those precious moments have the potential to turn into monumental disasters, starting with a little personal reflection and strategizing can help you keep an even keel. If after considering the above strategies, you’re still uneasy about attending the event in question, it’s alright to give yourself permission to say no to that particular invitation if the environment isn’t going to be healthy for you and say yes to a smaller or safer gathering. Check out additional Strategies for Managing Stress at Events from the Real Warriors Campaign for more ways to help you have a Merry FITmas and healthy New Year.

Small ACTs to Make the Most Out of the Holiday Season

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While the holiday season is full of joy, giving thanks and celebration, the festivities on our social calendars can also be a source of stress or mixed emotion. The holidays are certainly not the only time of year we feel stress, but if normal stress feels like stepping on a gas pedal, the holidays may feel like you have a lead foot. Given the increase in social activities, family demands, financial strain and mixed emotions, it is more important now than ever to take a moment and savor the spirit of the season. Check out some of our favorite small acts to help you keep your days merry and bright:

  • Break Tradition to Make Tradition. Establishing a new holiday tradition with shipmates, friends or family can bring you some comfort and joy this season no matter where or what you’re celebrating. The time that you spend connecting with others can help you find meaning during difficult situations (such as spending the holidays away from loved ones), helping you reduce anxiety and stay focused on the positive. Plan to enjoy a meal with others and go around the table to share something that each of you are grateful for, or reflect on a positive experience from 2016. You could also break out a deck of cards or board game. Even as adults, playtime is an important tool to fuel connections with others and boost emotional well-being.
  • Don’t Dismiss your Emotions. Feeling all of your emotions can be as difficult as it is rewarding, but can allow you to confront what may dampen your outlook or negatively impact your decision-making. Take a moment to identify not only what you’re feeling, but why. Then make a plan for how you will positively deal with these emotions – whether setting aside some time for meditation, journaling or speaking with a provider. To thrive during the holidays even if you’re not into festivities or merriment, allow yourself the time and space to regroup and look for the good around you by noting the positive and appreciating the ordinary.
  • Connect with your Community. Helping others can help you find a renewed sense of purpose and contribution, whether you’re experiencing your own challenges or simply want to pay your good fortune forward. Not only does volunteering at a local shelter, soup kitchen, food bank, toy drive or other community relations project speak to the meaning of the holidays, but lending a helping hand to the community also provides a way for families to get involved in an activity together.
  • Press Pause. Make time for yourself and stick to a routine to help keep the happy in the holidays. Be brave enough to slow down and rediscover perspective. A timeout can be in the form of a walk or giving yourself space to gather your thoughts for an hour. Identify your sources of holiday stress by asking yourself what’s most important. Then discuss expectations with others to help you exercise Controllability and enable you to move forward with confidence and calm.

Keep watch for more tips to help you strengthen your Psychological and Emotional Fitness this season as we celebrate the 21 Days of Total Sailor FITmas, now through January 3, 2017!

A Chaplain’s Case for Gratitude

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Thankfulness and gratitude are powerful aspects of life.  Still, sometimes circumstances make it hard to look around and be thankful.  How does light get in during times like that? As a Navy chaplain, I too have days where I find myself battling such heaviness and challenges.  For me, it’s a matter of seeking perspective, finding meaning and connecting to purpose.  Sometimes that comes from my reaching out to another to allow them to shine a ray of light into my darkened view.  Sometimes it is someone reaching out to me for help, or just to say thanks.

There are times when a small ray of light is all we need to break the darkness. With that light, I am reminded that when we go through things alone we can become convinced that they will not get better, but when we have someone by our side we can find strength to move forward. With that small glimmer of light, I am reminded of my purpose.  Even a small word of thanks from one person to another can make all the difference.

Gratitude can be a source of hope when we are most vulnerable. I will never forget a time when I was preparing to say goodbye to another group of wounded warriors who had come for several weeks to the National Intrepid Center of Excellence.  As a chaplain, part of my role was to create a parting ‘ritual.’  Knowing that this was a vulnerable time, after making connections and beginning some healing, I wanted the ritual to give each person an opportunity to honestly own the challenges and fears ahead, and to say thank you for the little rays of light that they received through the work of the dedicated team of providers. Once again, I was reminded of the reciprocal benefits of not just being there for someone, but being with them in their journey.

Three of the guys—each uniquely challenged who all shared the same experience as the pivotal moment in their healing—decided to take the risk to travel on the metro to the Vietnam Memorial Wall.  They “just had to do it,” they said. For one, it meant facing an absolute aversion to going in confined spaces with lots of people.  For another, it meant being in wide open spaces with no security, and likely talking to others. It probably meant that they would have to walk a bit farther than the third of the trio had walked in a very long time. But together they decided that they owed it to each other and those who had gone before them to do this, and get each other through it. They decided to be with each other on a journey that was uniquely theirs as individuals yet shared between them at the same time.

You can imagine the team as they set out and then finally reached the wall. That was celebration enough. But what life had in store for them, they could not have anticipated. They each described in their own way how when they finally arrived, they spotted a woman standing at the wall in tears and they all felt drawn to her. The outgoing one of the bunch walked over and approached the woman.  The others followed. They all heard her describe how her husband had been killed in Vietnam.  This was the first time she had made it to the wall. All she wanted to do was to do a rubbing of his name, but it was too high up and she just didn’t know what to do. She was desperate and alone.

“Don’t worry ma’am,” they said. “We got this!” With that they leveraged their collective height to get to her husband’s name so that she could do the rubbing.  With mission accomplished, they were met with grateful hugs. And they quietly walked away.

The three men shared this story with the group of providers and reflected almost with one voice: “We knew from that time on- there was a purpose for our lives. There is still something we can do.” They drew strength from each other. And they found gratitude; gratitude from others and gratitude for still being able to give a little light or a tiny ember.

Maybe today you will reach out to say thanks, or reach out to ask for help. Don’t just be there for others, be with them to light their path and watch as they light yours. Connect with gratitude. Your perspective of your purpose may be mysteriously renewed beyond your wildest imaginings. Your own moment to make a difference may be just around the corner.

Cmdr. Kim Donahue, CHC, USN,  is the Director for Force Structure for the Navy Chief of Chaplains Office. She has previously served as Group Chaplain for USS Theodore Roosevelt and Carrier Strike Group TWELVE. Check out her earlier NavyNavStress post on mindfulness and reconnecting with spirituality through labyrinth walking here.